So here's NYE today, and my last post for the year for the homies that made life better for me. Just a way to say thank you, even if you have no idea about this space and will never read this. Really Thanks! I swear this would be a wordy post, but I mean everything I say here. So hang in there yoz. (:
Hwei Shyan: Through and through, no matter how much I piss you off you just never left me. You're bloody precious to me and I really hope we would last as long as the moon is up there. Both of us went thru so much shit in 2008, especially in breakups, and we both saw how fragile each other were when everything falls. You would always be the first to call me to ask if I'm okay, and I really wish I can be a better friend for you in the coming year cos I know I'm always a big ass-hole. I love you, and I am willing to eat sashimi with you for the rest of my life and swear will not complain. HA! (:
Caleb Tan : Goodness, where have you been? I can't contact you these few days and I miss you like fuck. Are you living in Mars or something? Plz, my contact number is 90041518 if you forgot about me. :( You're like my whoop-ass bitch and I love you! Though we see each other only pratically once a month and every time we would end up screwing ourselves up. Yes, 2008 was bad for all of us and I know we've really tire ourselves out from all the bad breakup vibes, again. But at the end of the day, we would just be vulgar to the world and then be merry to our own heart's content with each other's company. Emo momo, we'll stick to the end. I love you, best friend. And oh a note for you, we should plan the stayover thing quick. (:
ZPGY : Awesome people. You guys were the first people who made my birthday felt like a real one, with all the surprises and all. I was truly touched and I am eternally grateful for all the days in Temasek Poly. Sometimes the things we do are quite uncool in coolio design school, but it always felt right with you sillies. ( I secretly think that I would be boyfriend-less ): Okay plz kill me.) I admit I'm very demanding with all those insecure antics and annoying break downs I always pull, but I promise I will make things better. You all just deserve much much more.
Zachary Tan : I thank God he sent you, you're the best adviser ever. Thanks for travelling all the way to my place just to hear me cry and paying $ for random stuff when we go out too. Geez, I'm such a suckerz. And yes, plz go drinking with me. I don't look that ugly after I drink lor. I'm sorry that our NYE plans was a flop. :(
Andy Koh : You're a nice chap, and It was nice talking to you. I liked it. Be more confident in yourself and do the right things. Peace Homie, Andy you're a Star; so be one. (:
Martin Hong : Poor dude, Army in Jan right after A levels is just over. I'm gonna miss you big big time. Don't be guilty about not being able to make time for me. I understand.
Kuo Jinn Hoho : If you see this, I'm sorry about that night. I really don't know what happened, but plz believe me when I said I didn't roll my eyes at you. I want to start 2009 on a right note, and I don't want to lose you. I sincerely apologise.
Shann Lee : You're so far the only one I still contact in the 4Love class clique and I'm glad we stayed this way. I like the Sambal fried rice we ate together after your work and I really want to eat more with you! Hahah! Thank you for being willing to talk to me still and hearing me out. Design school may be hard to breathe for you and I can totally emphathise with you, but all will be worth it. Right?
Kerin Kok : The last of 2008 shared with you was a blessing, cos it was something which I didn't see it coming. Thanks for the comforts and wake up calls, I promise I will be fine and will lead a better life.
Geraleine : I haven't seen you around lately and honestly I really miss your company. Like miss you really bad, wish that things would be the same again. Times were happy with you around, but now it's all ruined. We drifted so much that we are now leading our own lives. A sincere apology from me to you, though we both made mistakes. I wish the best for you in the New Year.
Alexander Lin : I think I have the most to say to you, and I know you will read this eventually. Last night I do have some regrets after saying all those sarcastic stuff in the post and the smses. I was really at loss about you, like speechless. When I finally fell asleep at like 6 am, I dreamt about how we were talking about everything I trashed out peacefully like how we always do since the breakup and there were good changes that took place thereafter. But in reality, no matter how much I try to explain things to you or how extreme and harsh my words are, you seem so untouchable.
I know nearing the course of our relationship, I didn't do my best as a lover. I slogged my ass off working almost everyday at Carrefour after O levels and then when Poly started, Design school came down harsh. I wasn't there when you needed company, and I deeply regretted for what I've done. I should have known that you were lonely and not be so hard up on my commitments. Why didn't you tell me how bad you were feeling? When you're gone, I blamed you for crushing everything with a simple apology. But it was me that didn't understand you at all throughout the 3 years. I am ashamed at myself and I want to apologise.
Few months later, you found new company and your life revolved around them. At that point of time, I know I didn't exist in your life any more. And I really don't think things are that simple between you and her, so I won't be surprised if you guys are dating already. You lied thru your teeth when I asked you out. I was not given a fair share of your time. It didn't matter to you when I hurled insults and accusations at you, and I was hoping you would respond and tell me that what I'm doing to you is affecting you. No, you were all fine. Even at the very last straw when I want to call off the whole friendship, you just simply asked me to take care and you continue living your perfect life. There was no sign of you wanting to make me stay as a friend, no regrets. Do you know that it took me a lot of courage to make this decision? I lost faith. Your old friends lost faith. Your true friends lost faith. Why? What happened? Are you truly happy with this freedom like how you are showing it to me?
After every heart to heart talks, you never told me how you felt. Even if it sounds pussy or what, I really wanted to know. I thought you could be mature enough to put away those awkardness.
I won't take back whatever I've said last night about you, cos this is really how I feel. I've unblocked you on msn already, so plz. Tell me how you feel about this. Call me, sms me, email me, msn me, just whatever to tell me. Even if it's harsh to the heart, I want to know. Just respond for the last time, truthfully with no guards on.
Alex, at the end of the day if things screwed up for you, I will be there for you. I don't hate you, I want to forgive you. When all is gone for you, be sure that I will be there for you to take comfort in, ALWAYS. This is a pinky I will not break.
Last but not least, Family : Every other morning, I would wake up and just walk around the house stretching my arms out, and ask for a hug from Mum and Dad. This year I've really made you mad, cos I didn't live up to your expectations ever since I was upset the whole year round. I came home reeking of alcohol some nights and then you found my cigarettes and threw it away. I know I'm screwed, and I'm truly sorry. I know I going thru an atrocious phase in life and I keep disappointing you. I will try my best to change. I'm going to be 18 next year, and will definitely bound to get into helluva trouble. Plz forgive me first, I will be better. I will.
And thanks to the many others too, you guys know who you are! (:
Now NYE tonight, and I'm gonna stay home though some friends and I are trying to pull something together. But gut feeling is telling me that it's home tonight.
:(
Love to you and all out there.
Let 2009 be a new start.
(L)
No comments:
Post a Comment