Figs & Foes, For the Lovers

(Illustration Assignment: Album Cover design, to be hand drawn)


(My current ccb cock face. I haven't took a solo pic for a long time)

Just came back from Design School Orientation Training Camp, and I don't know why the hell am I writing here when I am so tired. Ahh, just felt like blogging my hearts out. -.-

Many Christmas plans were cancelled last minute, I don't know why too. :(
Carrying mixed feeling of blahs everyday makes me feel so insecure, I really don't know why.
Sometimes a smile, sometimes a sigh and sometimes thoughts that aches real bad.
But I'm fine and good, still alive and well.
I will prove to be okay, for myself.

Okay, I wanna start listing my resolutions already. To tell myself 2009 must not be as hell as 2008.
Lost too much.

1. Independence. I want to start depending on myself more, cos sometimes I feel that I can't trust. At least when people fail me, I fall back on my own ground.

2. Cultivate a more subtle character, like more tone down on the whole. I'm kinda getting sick of fighting attention, it's seriously a lame never-ending pursuit. Recently I like the feeling of not taking part in group conversations. I like to be alone too.

3. Learn to take stride. Because 2008 taught me too many lessons, and heartbreaks came at one go. I must not be overwhelmed, just take a deep breath and chillax.

4. For the last fucking time to myself, MOVE ON. Reality Check: Being friends or whatever, things will just be always awkward and aching no matter what. As much as I want to, it is not possible. I don't think I can ever ask you out on random occasions say, I'm bored, I wanna just come out and chillax. You know like let's just meet for a drink to catch or hang around at each other's place, like the friend-friend buddy-buddy kinda stuff. I can do that with Caleb, but not us. No matter how much we wanna try and promise each other, all will come in vain. In a lukewarm situation like this, keeping absolute distance MAY become an option as much as I don't want to. I doubt there will be a win-win solution to this, so will just see how things progress? I wish you luck and love for you and your future lover, with pride, dignity and acceptance. (:

5. Upgrade, learn new skills. Started pretty well already since I've recently took up Muay Thai. Maybe I want to explore different fields of interest, like Fashion Photography and Illustration. Perhaps start a portfolio on it doing experimentation or like go learn to sew more stuff. I keep going to my Ah gong's place to use those traditional manual sewing machine. Hhahaa! I really need to get myself occupied and fulfilled.

I'll stop here for now. Will add on if anything pops my brain.
THIS POST IS GETTING TOO WORDY.

So anyway, Merry Christmas and Good night!
Much love people.
(L)