Linger

" i close my eyes and i let my body shut itself down and i let my mind wander. it wanders to a familiar place. a place i don’t talk about or acknowledge exists.
a place where there is only me. a place that i hate. i am alone. alone here and alone in the world. alone in my heart and alone in my mind.
alone everywhere, all the time, for as long as i can remember. alone with my family, alone with my friends, alone in a room full of people. alone when i wake, alone through each awful day.

i don’t want to be alone. i have never wanted to be alone. i fucking hate it. i hate that i have no one to talk to, i hate that i have no one to call, i hate that i have no one to hold my hand, hug me, tell me everything is going to be all right. i hate that i have no one to share my hopes and dreams with, i hate that i no longer have any hopes or dreams, i hate that i have no one to tell me to hold on, that i can find them again. i hate that when i scream, that i am screaming into emptiness. i hate that there is no one to hear my scream and that there is no one to help me learn how to stop screaming… more than anything, all i have ever wanted is to be close to someone. more than anything, all i have ever wanted is to feel as if i wasn’t alone."

-somewhere from tumblr