Porous

"He remained annoyed with himself until he realized that not knowing what he wanted was actually quite natural. We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come."

- The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I don't know where have you been. I don't know why are you not speaking to me. I don't know what haven't I been doing right and why. I don't know why I don't get to bathe with a heater in such cold weather. I don't know why am I growing so fat. I don't know why I can't love you enough. I don't know why people are sometimes so pathetic. I don't know why people look at me like I'm pathetic. I don't know why am I so pathetic.

(I've been socially awkward...lately.)